American Blogger Honeymoons on our Canals!

Having a bit of a relax tonight, and browsing the net for a while, I came across this blog post by a librarian from Massachusetts, USA.  Obviously on honeymoon here in the UK enjoying a narrowboat holiday… or trying to!!

 

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 Hello everyone, say "Hi!" to Elvind!

Hi, Elvind!

Elvind is a Narrowboat. Can you say "Narrowboat?" Yes? Can you say "Bitch?" You can?! Great! So say "Piloting a Narrowboat is a Bitch."

Sure, you start out on the boat all smiles and giggles:

But before you know it, the narrowboat makes you its bitch! And the narrowboat is quite heavy, so it hurts when he's on top. And he likes it on top, oh yes! He likes to randomly steer to the left at all times, especially if there's another boat there! Naughty Elvind! He also likes to run aground every six minutes. Have you ever seriously considered pulling a damn narrowboat five miles down a canal just so you won't have to pilot it any more? No? Well la-de-da, Miss Prissypants!

Elvind has some rules. He's a jerk, sure, but a jerk with rules, dammit.

Rule 1:
Elvind Always Steers to the Left
This is constant and only trumped by..

Rule 2:
Elvind Always Steers Towards Other Boats
Again, this rule is trumped by..

Rule 3:
Elvind Will Always Run Aground In The Presence of Two or More Other Boats
While obeying Rule 3, there's also..

Rule 4:
While Run Aground, Elvind Will Be Passed By Multiple Other Boats Offering Scant Help
This is a sort-of lie, as many, many kindly people helped Elvind out of the mud, shallows, brambles, branches, clutches of underwater mermen, sand, stones and gravity vortii that he became stuck in. Finally..

Rule 5:
Elvind Must Pass A Dead Rabbit Floating In The Canal Once Per Day
The Bunny Mafia is pretty damn tough in England and is prone to send warnings, such as "Deady Bunxkin Sleeps With The Fishes" and "Thumper Squealed" to Elvind to keep him inline and on schedule with his secret carrot drops.


So, we're back. It was actually fun, running aground besides. Now to settle into a post-wedding bliss of trying to make sure we get all our thank-you cards sent out in a timely manner, making sure we didn't lose anyone's gift (may have happened, eep!), and stocking our new barcart/bar toys with sweet, sweet liquor.

What's up for Friday? If nothing, would folks like to come over? We need to the impetus to actually unpack our luggage.

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It is obviously very busy on the canal system, although we could have done with seeing a narrowboat yesterday to tow us back to Ely after our breakdown, not one came a long… I see by our librarian’s blog that nothing much has changed on the canals then while we are away!!